Lifetheft and the Chromium Age (ASM 386-388)


You may have heard the term “Golden Age”... as in, the Golden Age of America or the Golden Age of Television or the Golden Age of Backalley cockfighting. In comic books, the Golden Age generally refers to comics published in the 40’s and 50’s (although, it would need to start in 1938 to encompass Action 1, the first Superman book, which kicked off the age of superheroes.) The Silver Age refers to a period in the 60’s and the Bronze Age is referring to the 70’s and early 80’s. You may hear references to the “Copper Age”, though I’m 90% sure it’s just some shit eBay sellers invented so they could sell crap from the late 80’s too.

And the 90’s? While typically falling within the “modern” nomenclature, there’s another, funnier name. It’s the “Chromium Age.” You can guess why.

Foil covers all up in yo business. Holograms and poly bags and shiny trading card inserts out the ass.  Every possible excuse for an issue to be an “anniversary” issue resulted in a foil cover or a hologram or hey, sometimes two holograms... or, if you’re really lucky, a “holodisc” glued awkwardly on the cover, right on top of the art.

So don't be a chode and buy the non-foil version for 70 cents less, y'hear?

Does the number of the issue end in a 5 or a 0? Foil. Is it the first issue of a new series? Foil. 30th anniversary of Amazing Fantasy 15? Foil. 30th Anniversary of Amazing Spider-Man 1 even though it was less than a year after Amazing Fantasy 15? Foil. 30th anniversary of the first appearance of Harry Osborne’s Fu Manchu? You bet your sensational spider-ass that’s a foil cover.

Jesus, Harry. Leave some chicks for the rest of us! (from Amazing Spider-Man 74)

The first foil cover to enter my collection was Amazing Spider-Man 388. It was the finale to the three part “Lifetheft” epic, which featured the Vulture, the Chameleon, a 70 year old Spider-Man, and (spoiler alert) Spider-Man’s mighty morphin’ robotic shape shifting parents. Yes, it was all quite a shock, yet somehow the part that was most memorable to me was part 1, page 1, where the Vulture turns a Sony Walkman into a fucking death laser. 9-year-old me thought that was the raddest shit in the world.

"Hnh" is right.

Amazing 387 is a fun issue that features Spider-Man being drained of his youth and becoming a senior citizen, complete with liver spots. It also contains one of my favourite all-time Spider-zingers:

WHY! AREN'T! YOU! LAUGHING!... right.

 Amazing 388 finishes things off with a ton of wild reveals and a fight scene that includes Spider-Man attempting to mash the face of his robotic imposter father into unrecognizable mush so he’ll feel less bad while he is murdering it. The whole story ends with Spider-Man announcing that he’s had enough bullshit and that he’s literally going to hunt down his enemies and fucking take revenge. Awesome. 

Maybe this one actually did deserve a foil cover.

The version for total losers is the one on the left (pic courtesy my collection).








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